It is true. The doctor told me so.
The last time I tried it, I talked about everything but the important stuff. Like how I was disappointed in myself for not going to take a walk in the park to visit my squirrel friend that I named Demetri. I only went like 3 times. Either way it got me the doctor's note I needed to pass a class.
Really that is why I ended up at the doctors this time. I required a doctors note to get out of work. But now I'm done with that job and do not have to worry about it anymore.
But I really should persue the therapy thing. The doc gave me a card, but I don't know if I will be able to afford it. I might have to find somewhere cheaper. Or I could keep talking to you folks, my nameless faceless friends (with the exception of like one) who don't judge me. I love you guys. And I will keep you updated.
I should probably get back to work. I mean it is a job I like and all....
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Posting
I've gone out on a limb here. I promised myself I would not post a longer fiction piece without having it finished first. I'm mostly finished. I feel good about it. I've already received feedback and I think I might get a decent following and comments.
As You Wish
Now I'm well aware that Wish Granted is the popular saying by Vengeance Demons on Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I changed it because I like this better. Besides it is fan fiction and I can do whatever the hell I want, like use characters that I did not create and put them in a story line that is classic (and could even be considered over used). But just go read it.
I heart being a "Kitten"
As You Wish
Now I'm well aware that Wish Granted is the popular saying by Vengeance Demons on Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I changed it because I like this better. Besides it is fan fiction and I can do whatever the hell I want, like use characters that I did not create and put them in a story line that is classic (and could even be considered over used). But just go read it.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Secrets
I posted on my facebook that I intend to walk into work and hand over my badge and headset.
My paperwork that excuses all my absences is due by tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the doctor this morning. I do not have the money to visit the doctor right now. I had to reschedule. As a new patient I had to reschedule for May 10th, as they only allow so many new patient appointments each week and they are currently full.
I already have given my two week notice, for my last day to be on April 25th. If I do not get my paperwork in by tomorrow I will have to be let go as my points will no longer be excused "pending" and will just be become absences. That is just how it works.
I could go in, make my case and attempt to work my few more days. But honestly I don't want to. I want to be able to have the opportunity to come back once my field season is over but it does not seem likely now. I have been proved unreliable. That and I kind of hate the job, even though it turns out (from my one-on-ones with my supervisor) that I'm actually quite good at it.
Plus there is the whole thing of wanting to move out of my parents house and closer to school, which would have me driving the 100 miles round trip everyday instead of my girlfriend (but my car is more efficient).
So why is the post title "Secrets?"
Because I am going to tell my girlfriend (and my parents) that I went in and plead my case but they sent me home. I am 97% sure they are going to fire me without the paperwork, especially since they have been accommodating enough, and there is only so much rope a person can get.
Why am I posting about it on facebook and my blog? Isn't she going to find out?
Hence the Secrets....
My girlfriend does not read my facebook nor my blog. She doesn't really know about my writing. I mention it. I mention I read but she has no interest. These things do not interest her, especially fiction. Especially fan fiction, she only puts up with Buffy because I like it and her favorite villain is Dark Willow (and as a "kitten" the reason Willow becomes dark is bad) and her favorite season is 7 (along the same lines as to why it is bad).
But I do write under a pseudonym (that is more fun to say the pen name) as well as have the facebook that links to it.
So not only have I been lying to you I also lie to my girlfriend. I am a bad horrible evil person.
But the debate now is really what is okay to keep from your spouse/significant other? Do you have to tell everyone everything? My girlfriend believes that even your other half is not going to be everything you need them to be. That is why people have best friends. People that they can talk to outside their relationship. For me it is the anonymity of the internet. My best friends, the people I share stuff with I don't even know. For my girlfriend it is her mother that she talks to.
For a sort of reference point for this.... We had a blow up recently that involved me "talking" to her cousin's wife. What I said was misinterpreted and then "suggestions" were forced upon my girlfriend making her feel not only inadequate in the bedroom but also like she didn't know me. Because I had never mentioned anything of the sort. That is why I talk to people who do not know my girlfriend. In fact it is why I would rather not talk to anyone who even knows me.
But I'd like to get your thoughts on the subject. So fire away.
My paperwork that excuses all my absences is due by tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the doctor this morning. I do not have the money to visit the doctor right now. I had to reschedule. As a new patient I had to reschedule for May 10th, as they only allow so many new patient appointments each week and they are currently full.
I already have given my two week notice, for my last day to be on April 25th. If I do not get my paperwork in by tomorrow I will have to be let go as my points will no longer be excused "pending" and will just be become absences. That is just how it works.
I could go in, make my case and attempt to work my few more days. But honestly I don't want to. I want to be able to have the opportunity to come back once my field season is over but it does not seem likely now. I have been proved unreliable. That and I kind of hate the job, even though it turns out (from my one-on-ones with my supervisor) that I'm actually quite good at it.
Plus there is the whole thing of wanting to move out of my parents house and closer to school, which would have me driving the 100 miles round trip everyday instead of my girlfriend (but my car is more efficient).
So why is the post title "Secrets?"
Because I am going to tell my girlfriend (and my parents) that I went in and plead my case but they sent me home. I am 97% sure they are going to fire me without the paperwork, especially since they have been accommodating enough, and there is only so much rope a person can get.
Why am I posting about it on facebook and my blog? Isn't she going to find out?
Hence the Secrets....
My girlfriend does not read my facebook nor my blog. She doesn't really know about my writing. I mention it. I mention I read but she has no interest. These things do not interest her, especially fiction. Especially fan fiction, she only puts up with Buffy because I like it and her favorite villain is Dark Willow (and as a "kitten" the reason Willow becomes dark is bad) and her favorite season is 7 (along the same lines as to why it is bad).
But I do write under a pseudonym (that is more fun to say the pen name) as well as have the facebook that links to it.
So not only have I been lying to you I also lie to my girlfriend. I am a bad horrible evil person.
But the debate now is really what is okay to keep from your spouse/significant other? Do you have to tell everyone everything? My girlfriend believes that even your other half is not going to be everything you need them to be. That is why people have best friends. People that they can talk to outside their relationship. For me it is the anonymity of the internet. My best friends, the people I share stuff with I don't even know. For my girlfriend it is her mother that she talks to.
For a sort of reference point for this.... We had a blow up recently that involved me "talking" to her cousin's wife. What I said was misinterpreted and then "suggestions" were forced upon my girlfriend making her feel not only inadequate in the bedroom but also like she didn't know me. Because I had never mentioned anything of the sort. That is why I talk to people who do not know my girlfriend. In fact it is why I would rather not talk to anyone who even knows me.
But I'd like to get your thoughts on the subject. So fire away.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April Fools
I have decided I am straight.
No that won't fool anyone...
Just posting to post. I could bitch about all the stress I have endured recently but I don't want to drive my dedicated fans away.
I am grateful I still have my job. I am grateful for it being lunchtime. I feel like this is some sort of turning point. Towards something good. Not bad for an April Fool.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Way Too Late
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Things Straight People Do
Let me be more specific with the title that is just too long to actually be the title.
"The thing a straight woman, that is having men troubles, always says to a lesbian."
See too long. But I am sure you already know where I am going with this. In fact I won't even give you the thing they always say... I will just give you my answer.
Just because it is a woman does not mean you can't or won't be miserable. Women can be cruel, vicious, mean, bullies, jerks and assholes just as well as men can. Don't think all your relationship problems will be solved by merely switching sides. It just doesn't work like that.
Yes I bring this up as I had a recent conversation with a more recent of my acquaintances, but it has happened more than once. Even with people I don't really know. "Oh you're a dyke... You know I thought about trying that once." Really? You don't say... No really, you shouldn't say.
No one has said that exact sentence to me before, but I am just trying to make a point here.
Wait, what is my point? Do I ever have one?
I just find it funny is all. In this more recent conversation I even got asked how to pick up women. "I don' t know, the only time I ever tried I was shot down horribly." I know some of you might wonder, wait doesn't she have a girlfriend? Yes, but we met on the internet and I wooed her with my ability to write complete sentences with punctuation, grammar, and spelling (you know most of the time). Also we met on the basis of planning to merely be friends.
But I know enough about how to pick up women from observing and occasionally practicing. I got so drunk once I couldn't remember how to get into my flat (also as I was told had forgotten the password...) because I was flirting successfully with a cute bartender (yay free drinks). And my girlfriend is an expert. She doesn't even have to do anything. She just is so awesome at it, she does nothing and girls come to her and flirt. Seriously, even when I am standing right there.
Ultimately what it comes down to is picking up someone is just like picking up anyone. Be confident, be friendly and be nice. Which is actually what they taught us at work. But she hadn't been going into work like I hadn't been going into work. But that is a whole 'nother matter.
Back to my point?
Relationships are not easy. Gender is not specific. Be yourself and you will find someone who balances you. Lesson learned.
"The thing a straight woman, that is having men troubles, always says to a lesbian."
See too long. But I am sure you already know where I am going with this. In fact I won't even give you the thing they always say... I will just give you my answer.
Just because it is a woman does not mean you can't or won't be miserable. Women can be cruel, vicious, mean, bullies, jerks and assholes just as well as men can. Don't think all your relationship problems will be solved by merely switching sides. It just doesn't work like that.
Yes I bring this up as I had a recent conversation with a more recent of my acquaintances, but it has happened more than once. Even with people I don't really know. "Oh you're a dyke... You know I thought about trying that once." Really? You don't say... No really, you shouldn't say.
No one has said that exact sentence to me before, but I am just trying to make a point here.
Wait, what is my point? Do I ever have one?
I just find it funny is all. In this more recent conversation I even got asked how to pick up women. "I don' t know, the only time I ever tried I was shot down horribly." I know some of you might wonder, wait doesn't she have a girlfriend? Yes, but we met on the internet and I wooed her with my ability to write complete sentences with punctuation, grammar, and spelling (you know most of the time). Also we met on the basis of planning to merely be friends.
But I know enough about how to pick up women from observing and occasionally practicing. I got so drunk once I couldn't remember how to get into my flat (also as I was told had forgotten the password...) because I was flirting successfully with a cute bartender (yay free drinks). And my girlfriend is an expert. She doesn't even have to do anything. She just is so awesome at it, she does nothing and girls come to her and flirt. Seriously, even when I am standing right there.
Ultimately what it comes down to is picking up someone is just like picking up anyone. Be confident, be friendly and be nice. Which is actually what they taught us at work. But she hadn't been going into work like I hadn't been going into work. But that is a whole 'nother matter.
Back to my point?
Relationships are not easy. Gender is not specific. Be yourself and you will find someone who balances you. Lesson learned.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Called Out
I love how brief but interesting conversations inspire deep thoughts and me posting something. Wait, let me rephrase that, when someone calls me out. Not in a bad way, mind you (especially since the person who called me out I know reads this).
I had recently saw an article posted on Facebook about Utah passing a bill to restrict homosexuals being talked about in school, even if kids ask, and to only teach abstinence (Click Here to Read). Oh and the school can actually opt out of sex ed all together. It made me think. What is worse? Being told we are evil and going to hell *or* pretending like we do not exist at all.
So a comment was made from someone who knows me, how she noticed how I edit myself around certain people. She was amazed at how I can keep something that is an integral part of me just kind of pushed to the side. (Feel free to reword that if I worded it wrong). Like she couldn't even imagine doing it.
She understand why of course. Just telling everyone, when you don't know how they will react can be dangerous. Idaho is a state where they can still fire me for being gay (and the senator who was trying to get that changed was blocked once again from even getting a hearing, you might have read about it in one of those NY newspapers). People are still violent. It still isn't safe. Sure there are people who do know. Partly because I got called out for a hickey on my neck (thank you dear), but by that time I knew the person I was informing was okay to tell.
And it isn't like I full on hide it, or talk about "my boyfriend" or straight-up lie (yes I'm punning). In fact the other day I got asked if I was married, I said I'm in a committed relationship for 6 years and left it at that. Now I'm 99.9% sure one of the girls sitting at the table is Mormon, but I'm not sure if she is cool or not (but tend to err on the side of not usually in those cases). I'm sure they all figured it out without me telling them. I'm sure they've overheard me talk about my girlfriend to those I do talk about it with. Most people do figure it out because sometimes I can't stop talking about my "roommate."
So to bring it all back around. Am I doing a disservice by not talking about it in front of those who are on the wrong side of history here? Do I need to say I'm in a committed relationship with a female directly for me to have an impact? They say people are changing their minds because they know gay people. Let me rephrase that they know "normal" people who are gay. People who are like them who just happen to be gay. Am I pretending I don't exist and adding to the problem? Am I banking too much on figuring them to figure it out and realizing that I am an awesome "normal" person and therefor gay people are alright?
Not sure exactly where I was going with this but that is usually what happens when I rant and question. Feel free to comment. I want some interaction on this blog. Feel free to tell me I'm a horrible gay person (because you have the right to say it and I have the right to ignore you). Personally, I do what I can where I know it will make a difference. I often preach to the choir (hello blog) but maybe someday along the road it will make a difference to someone.
I had recently saw an article posted on Facebook about Utah passing a bill to restrict homosexuals being talked about in school, even if kids ask, and to only teach abstinence (Click Here to Read). Oh and the school can actually opt out of sex ed all together. It made me think. What is worse? Being told we are evil and going to hell *or* pretending like we do not exist at all.
So a comment was made from someone who knows me, how she noticed how I edit myself around certain people. She was amazed at how I can keep something that is an integral part of me just kind of pushed to the side. (Feel free to reword that if I worded it wrong). Like she couldn't even imagine doing it.
She understand why of course. Just telling everyone, when you don't know how they will react can be dangerous. Idaho is a state where they can still fire me for being gay (and the senator who was trying to get that changed was blocked once again from even getting a hearing, you might have read about it in one of those NY newspapers). People are still violent. It still isn't safe. Sure there are people who do know. Partly because I got called out for a hickey on my neck (thank you dear), but by that time I knew the person I was informing was okay to tell.
And it isn't like I full on hide it, or talk about "my boyfriend" or straight-up lie (yes I'm punning). In fact the other day I got asked if I was married, I said I'm in a committed relationship for 6 years and left it at that. Now I'm 99.9% sure one of the girls sitting at the table is Mormon, but I'm not sure if she is cool or not (but tend to err on the side of not usually in those cases). I'm sure they all figured it out without me telling them. I'm sure they've overheard me talk about my girlfriend to those I do talk about it with. Most people do figure it out because sometimes I can't stop talking about my "roommate."
So to bring it all back around. Am I doing a disservice by not talking about it in front of those who are on the wrong side of history here? Do I need to say I'm in a committed relationship with a female directly for me to have an impact? They say people are changing their minds because they know gay people. Let me rephrase that they know "normal" people who are gay. People who are like them who just happen to be gay. Am I pretending I don't exist and adding to the problem? Am I banking too much on figuring them to figure it out and realizing that I am an awesome "normal" person and therefor gay people are alright?
Not sure exactly where I was going with this but that is usually what happens when I rant and question. Feel free to comment. I want some interaction on this blog. Feel free to tell me I'm a horrible gay person (because you have the right to say it and I have the right to ignore you). Personally, I do what I can where I know it will make a difference. I often preach to the choir (hello blog) but maybe someday along the road it will make a difference to someone.
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