Tuesday, December 22, 2009

My Kids (and other issues)

It has been a while since I've checked out the internets. Part of it was because at work I kept bogging down the system watching too much Hulu, or playing games on MSN. Both obviously big no-nos. I purged my facebook of all the stupid little games I became obsessed about, with the exception of Treasure Madness because I don't need to feed anything or collect money to get anywhere. I can play it when I want (and also when it works because sometimes I just can't get into it).

But I read over at Pretty Witty And... about how cats are people too (or not, depending on who you side with). I wanted to take a moment to talk about my kids. Brodie and Gaia. They may be dogs but they are our kids. And I was a bad mother the other night and almost lost Gaia. Because she is deaf I need to keep a better eye on her. So letting her out of the car with deer nearby was not smart and she took off... and I couldn't yell for her to come back. It scared me. She made her way back to the neighbors though where I found her after circling the block.

I've been super stressed. Financially we are struggling, as usual. Wanting to give people things or do things or visit people for the holidays doesn't help. And then we get guilt tripped into feeling bad. But I still need brakes on my car (I really shouldn't be even driving to work they are that bad) and my landlady was making threats when I paid the other half of rent later in the month. Said she was going to do an inspection. Was she bluffing? She hasn't called yet. But the house has been cleaned, top to bottom. My tub is white again. She won't find anything if she is looking for a good excuse to kick us out. Then my girlfriend gets irritated with me because the way I've been cleaning makes her think I'm not worried about the situation. And she also gets irritated with me when I ask her what she wants me to do next. I got a B in my work study in high school okay because I have no initiative. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Be very specific please. I should have joined the military.

I still think about that sometimes too. I could join and eventually they'll let me be me and recognize my relationship. But in the meantime we'd at least have extra money. She doesn't think I could do it, and doesn't want me broken down. I'm smart (but weak) I'm not meant for the military supposedly. Of course she'd join even though she is smart because she is also tough. But her flat feet kept her out. I just am looking for something to do that I can enjoy. Or something that is mundane and tedious (and away from a computer) to distract me and make me physically tired so I can sleep well at night instead of my mind being tired from distracting myself with facebook games and hulu. I don't know. I just need something different, or a better attitude. Maybe both.

3 comments:

  1. Oh, honey, I hear ya! I feel a bit bogged down with some of the troubles in my life, and the Christmas season brings them out into stark relief.

    But I keep reminding myself how many other people have it worse off than I do. It almost sounds trite, I say it so often, but it's true. My dad was in the army for over 20 years, and I'm proud of him, but I wouldn't necessarily join (I hate exercise, lol). Of course, the money is good, because you don't have the chance to spend it, and rent is free. Sorry if I just confused you more.

    Hope you have a happy holiday.

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  2. Most of my extended family members (read: male family members) are in the armed forces. And I'd prefer the guard so I could keep working (never mind that they'd send me overseas for a year right now anyways).

    But yes I know there are always people worse off. I hear that more often then not. But while I realise that, I am using my right to bitch and moan anyway because it makes me feel better. I know there are people who will read this and think "Gee I wish I had her problems" and I'm glad things are not worse, I just like to bitch and moan. I try not to let it make me feel guilty because that is just one more thing I don't need weighing down my mind!

    Happy Holidays to you too, and thanks for commenting!

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  3. LOL, bitching and moaning always makes me feel better, too!

    Hope things start looking up for you in the New Year. :D

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