It has been a while since I've checked out the internets. Part of it was because at work I kept bogging down the system watching too much Hulu, or playing games on MSN. Both obviously big no-nos. I purged my facebook of all the stupid little games I became obsessed about, with the exception of Treasure Madness because I don't need to feed anything or collect money to get anywhere. I can play it when I want (and also when it works because sometimes I just can't get into it).
But I read over at Pretty Witty And... about how cats are people too (or not, depending on who you side with). I wanted to take a moment to talk about my kids. Brodie and Gaia. They may be dogs but they are our kids. And I was a bad mother the other night and almost lost Gaia. Because she is deaf I need to keep a better eye on her. So letting her out of the car with deer nearby was not smart and she took off... and I couldn't yell for her to come back. It scared me. She made her way back to the neighbors though where I found her after circling the block.
I've been super stressed. Financially we are struggling, as usual. Wanting to give people things or do things or visit people for the holidays doesn't help. And then we get guilt tripped into feeling bad. But I still need brakes on my car (I really shouldn't be even driving to work they are that bad) and my landlady was making threats when I paid the other half of rent later in the month. Said she was going to do an inspection. Was she bluffing? She hasn't called yet. But the house has been cleaned, top to bottom. My tub is white again. She won't find anything if she is looking for a good excuse to kick us out. Then my girlfriend gets irritated with me because the way I've been cleaning makes her think I'm not worried about the situation. And she also gets irritated with me when I ask her what she wants me to do next. I got a B in my work study in high school okay because I have no initiative. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Be very specific please. I should have joined the military.
I still think about that sometimes too. I could join and eventually they'll let me be me and recognize my relationship. But in the meantime we'd at least have extra money. She doesn't think I could do it, and doesn't want me broken down. I'm smart (but weak) I'm not meant for the military supposedly. Of course she'd join even though she is smart because she is also tough. But her flat feet kept her out. I just am looking for something to do that I can enjoy. Or something that is mundane and tedious (and away from a computer) to distract me and make me physically tired so I can sleep well at night instead of my mind being tired from distracting myself with facebook games and hulu. I don't know. I just need something different, or a better attitude. Maybe both.