Pretty Little Liars

My dear best friend got turned down for a job the other day.  Can you guess why?  

She told the truth.

When applying for any job that has a high turn around rate you should never indicate that you have no intention of staying. So when asked if she planned to work at least a year she answered “I don’t know.”  It was honest. And she honestly knew the second it came out of her mouth it was the wrong one.  But she is an Aries like me. We tend to make poor liars (feel free to make a liar out of me if you have other proof).

I had prepared her as best as I could think of but forgot to remind her about that one important rule. Never make any indication that you are a short timer.

How did I get away with it when I got hired on at the call center?  When asked how long I planned to stay I did not lie. I merely avoided the question. I informed them I was looking for a 40 hour per week, permanent, benefited job.  Since I had only been working seasonal, and I think I also used the phrase “Getting too old for that crap.”, I let them make the assumption that I was in it for the long haul. Granted I was hoping to find a job that I could go back to when my season was over.  That happened to not be the job, but that is a different story.

When I talked to her about it she was wondering how I did it. I explained my wording and how people will just assume. I also told her if she grew up gay she might be a little better at it...  In fact now that I think about it this kind of links back to a previous post about how I can gloss over a big part of my life or the one about secrets. Maybe I am a better liar than I thought.

So pretty little liars, when it comes to employment, how often/how severe/just plain how do you lie?  Teeny tiny white lies, “The project is coming along fine.”  “I have no problem working with him/her.” “I’m sick.”  Or do you go all out? “I’ve been working on this project for days!" (in other words I got it done in 10 minutes and have spent all week on Facebook and watching porn).  Let me hear it!

Friendship

Friendships are hard.  Difficult. For me at least.

Let's count down my major friendships over the years.

When we left California, I left a best friend named Denise. And I don't remember much more than that, other than playing in the ball pit at Chuckie Cheese on my 5th birthday. We moved a week later.

I met this girl who I thought looked like a cousin I had just met (my family is Irish/Slav Catholics, I have lots of cousins). But she wasn't. But she did live nearby. We were friends until she moved.  I also hung out with a boy who my mom worked with his dad, but we will discuss him later.

Lets fast forward to freshman year in high school. There was a tiny blonde, a frumpy brunette, and a curvy redhead. Sounds like a bad joke huh? Me... I was the frumpy brunette (still am actually just more curvy). Back then with my raging teenage hormones and the fact I didn't know any better I began dating a senior boy. Even though my hormones raged that relationship never got past first and I got dumped. Hindsight says there was something I gave off that indicated a no go. He very shortly after began fucking my best friend, the redhead.

Sure being dumped sucked but the biggest hurt was the teenage drama and complete collapse of my social circle. The redhead was clearly with him and the tiny blonde didn't want to take sides. After a time everyone was clearly on his side. He was an important senior after all and I just a lowly freshman. I had no friends left.

So I made new ones. A bubbly blonde Mormon girl and our snarky younger "daughter" who we took in under our wings. By the time I was senior I was the top dog in the band-nerd social circle. My favorite story from this time, which I heard about many years later.... Remember the redhead who stole my boyfriend? We had grown up and past that and were friends again. But I also had my new group. The two most attractive girls in the nerd herd were the redhead and the bubbly blonde. All the guys were fighting over their attention. But you know what, they were fighting over me! How cool is that?

So college started. I had developed a crush on the snarky younger girl who had blossomed from the shy girl into quite the pretentious bitch. What can I say, I like girls who are kind of mean to me. But that is a story for another time. I chose a college that many of my friends chose too. Including my childhood boy friend. We had been on again off again in terms of friendship and closeness over the years and in college we began to stick together again (he finally got over me breaking up with him before I got into the other high school mess).

The poor kid has an overbearing mother. He was afraid to have any fun. But I had moved past having fun and into a dark space by the time I hit 22. He got tired of being called only when I needed something and never having time for him otherwise. Granted I was a bad friend. But true friends should recognize when you are drowning and do something about it. Yes, at that time the depression sunk in and I was beginning to get an inkling on how gay I was and I was not dealing with it well. So I drowned myself in alcohol. We are no longer friends (the childhood friend *and* the alcohol).

I made a special friend while I was in Scotland for a year learning to be a botanist. She was special because I wouldn't have survived without her. She was special because even though she has had a lot of lesbians hit on her (she went to a Seven Sisters college after all), I was the only one she had considered switching sides for. We don't really talk anymore but I will never consider her anything less than a friend. That was also the year I lived on The Kitten Board and finally started to deal with who I was. It is still in process of course, hence the need for therapy.

Even though I am a "bad friend" I am the one who puts forth the effor for contact 99% of the time now with my old school chums. Thanks to Facebook I can keep track of them with very little effort and update them about my life in case they happen to care.

I have made one friend recently that I am grateful for. I am glad she wore her HRC shirt one day and that I googled her name to find out what she authored that she couldn't talk about at work.

I am grateful for my online buddies. I can hop on chat and they say hello with all caps and lots of exclamation points. Oh and lots of *hugs* too. It makes me feel special.

This topic is being brought up for a reason of course. My girlfriend also has trouble making friends. I am a supreme social butterfly compared to her. But we are both giving and helpful by nature and we tend to occasionally find friends that need a little bit of help. We had a blow up yesterday with these friends. Kind of in the same way other friends have dissolved. It seems there is a point that if we can no longer help, or for the moment that is, then they don't want to be our friend any more. It just happened again and my girlfriend just might be done with making friends.

I should have ended with all the friends I am grateful for because now I am down again. So on a more happy note I am grateful for alll the people that, even though I never talk to them, I know I could call them up or message them and they would help out if they could because they know I would do the same for them. 

It's Official: I Need Therapy

It is true. The doctor told me so.

The last time I tried it, I talked about everything but the important stuff. Like how I was disappointed in myself for not going to take a walk in the park to visit my squirrel friend that I named Demetri.  I only went like 3 times. Either way it got me the doctor's note I needed to pass a class.

Really that is why I ended up at the doctors this time. I required a doctors note to get out of work. But now I'm done with that job and do not have to worry about it anymore.

But I really should persue the therapy thing. The doc gave me a card, but I don't know if I will be able to afford it. I might have to find somewhere cheaper.  Or I could keep talking to you folks, my nameless faceless friends (with the exception of like one) who don't judge me. I love you guys. And I will keep you updated.

I should probably get back to work. I mean it is a job I like and all....

Posting

I've gone out on a limb here. I promised myself I would not post a longer fiction piece without having it finished first.  I'm mostly finished.  I feel good about it. I've already received feedback and I think I might get a decent following and comments.

As You Wish

Now I'm well aware that Wish Granted is the popular saying by Vengeance Demons on Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I changed it because I like this better.  Besides it is fan fiction and I can do whatever the hell I want, like use characters that I did not create and put them in a story line that is classic (and could even be considered over used).  But just go read it.

I heart being a "Kitten"

Secrets

I posted on my facebook that I intend to walk into work and hand over my badge and headset.

My paperwork that excuses all my absences is due by tomorrow. I was supposed to go to the doctor this morning. I do not have the money to visit the doctor right now. I had to reschedule. As a new patient I had to reschedule for May 10th, as they only allow so many new patient appointments each week and they are currently full.

I already have given my two week notice, for my last day to be on April 25th.  If I do not get my paperwork in by tomorrow I will have to be let go as my points will no longer be excused "pending" and will just be become absences.  That is just how it works.

I could go in, make my case and attempt to work my few more days. But honestly I don't want to. I want to be able to have the opportunity to come back once my field season is over but it does not seem likely now.  I have been proved unreliable.  That and I kind of hate the job, even though it turns out (from my one-on-ones with my supervisor) that I'm actually quite good at it. 

Plus there is the whole thing of wanting to move out of my parents house and closer to school, which would have me driving the 100 miles round trip everyday instead of my girlfriend (but my car is more efficient). 

So why is the post title "Secrets?"

Because I am going to tell my girlfriend (and my parents) that I went in and plead my case but they sent me home.  I am 97% sure they are going to fire me without the paperwork, especially since they have been accommodating enough, and there is only so much rope a person can get.

Why am I posting about it on facebook and my blog? Isn't she going to find out?

Hence the Secrets....

My girlfriend does not read my facebook nor my blog. She doesn't really know about my writing. I mention it. I mention I read but she has no interest. These things do not interest her, especially fiction. Especially fan fiction, she only puts up with Buffy because I like it and her favorite villain is Dark Willow (and as a "kitten" the reason Willow becomes dark is bad) and her favorite season is 7 (along the same lines as to why it is bad).

But I do write under a pseudonym (that is more fun to say the pen name) as well as have the facebook that links to it.

So not only have I been lying to you I also lie to my girlfriend. I am a bad horrible evil person.

But the debate now is really what is okay to keep from your spouse/significant other?  Do you have to tell everyone everything? My girlfriend believes that even your other half is not going to be everything you need them to be. That is why people have best friends. People that they can talk to outside their relationship. For me it is the anonymity of the internet. My best friends, the people I share stuff with I don't even know.  For my girlfriend it is her mother that she talks to.

For a sort of reference point for this.... We had a blow up recently that involved me "talking" to her cousin's wife. What I said was misinterpreted and then "suggestions" were forced upon my girlfriend making her feel not only inadequate in the bedroom but also like she didn't know me. Because I had never mentioned anything of the sort.  That is why I talk to people who do not know my girlfriend. In fact it is why I would rather not talk to anyone who even knows me.

But I'd like to get your thoughts on the subject. So fire away.

April Fools

I have decided I am straight.

No that won't fool anyone...

Just posting to post. I could bitch about all the stress I have endured recently but I don't want to drive my dedicated fans away.

I am grateful I still have my job. I am grateful for it being lunchtime. I feel like this is some sort of turning point. Towards something good. Not bad for an April Fool.

Way Too Late

This is what happens when I stay up late.

I write cross-over stories!  Sally meet Willow and Tara.

Yes I honestly just did that.  You can check it out Here.

Things Straight People Do

Let me be more specific with the title that is just too long to actually be the title.

"The thing a straight woman, that is having men troubles, always says to a lesbian."

See too long. But I am sure you already know where I am going with this. In fact I won't even give you the thing they always say... I will just give you my answer.

Just because it is a woman does not mean you can't or won't be miserable. Women can be cruel, vicious, mean, bullies, jerks and assholes just as well as men can. Don't think all your relationship problems will be solved by merely switching sides. It just doesn't work like that.

Yes I bring this up as I had a recent conversation with a more recent of my acquaintances, but it has happened more than once. Even with people I don't really know.  "Oh you're a dyke... You know I thought about trying that once."  Really? You don't say... No really, you shouldn't say.

No one has said that exact sentence to me before, but I am just trying to make a point here.

Wait, what is my point? Do I ever have one?

I just find it funny is all. In this more recent conversation I even got asked how to pick up women. "I don' t know, the only time I ever tried I was shot down horribly." I know some of you might wonder, wait doesn't she have a girlfriend? Yes, but we met on the internet and I wooed her with my ability to write complete sentences with punctuation, grammar, and spelling (you know most of the time). Also we met on the basis of planning to merely be friends.


But I know enough about how to pick up women from observing and occasionally practicing. I got so drunk once I couldn't remember how to get into my flat (also as I was told had forgotten the password...) because I was flirting successfully with a cute bartender (yay free drinks).  And my girlfriend is an expert.  She doesn't even have to do anything. She just is so awesome at it, she does nothing and girls come to her and flirt.  Seriously, even when I am standing right there.

Ultimately what it comes down to is picking up someone is just like picking up anyone. Be confident, be friendly and be nice.  Which is actually what they taught us at work. But she hadn't been going into work like I hadn't been going into work.  But that is a whole 'nother matter.

Back to my point?

Relationships are not easy. Gender is not specific. Be yourself and you will find someone who balances you.  Lesson learned.

Called Out

I love how brief but interesting conversations inspire deep thoughts and me posting something. Wait, let me rephrase that, when someone calls me out.  Not in a bad way, mind you (especially since the person who called me out I know reads this).

I had recently saw an article posted on Facebook about Utah passing a bill to restrict homosexuals being talked about in school, even if kids ask, and to only teach abstinence (Click Here to Read).  Oh and the school can actually opt out of sex ed all together.  It made me think. What is worse? Being told we are evil and going to hell *or* pretending like we do not exist at all.

So a comment was made from someone who knows me, how she noticed how I edit myself around certain people.  She was amazed at how I can keep something that is an integral part of me just kind of pushed to the side. (Feel free to reword that if I worded it wrong). Like she couldn't even imagine doing it.

She understand why of course.  Just telling everyone, when you don't know how they will react can be dangerous.  Idaho is a state where they can still fire me for being gay (and the senator who was trying to get that changed was blocked once again from even getting a hearing, you might have read about it in one of those NY newspapers). People are still violent.  It still isn't safe.  Sure there are people who do know. Partly because I got called out for a hickey on my neck (thank you dear), but by that time I knew the person I was informing was okay to tell.

And it isn't like I full on hide it, or talk about "my boyfriend" or straight-up lie (yes I'm punning). In fact the other day I got asked if I was married, I said I'm in a committed relationship for 6 years and left it at that. Now I'm 99.9% sure one of the girls sitting at the table is Mormon, but I'm not sure if she is cool or not (but tend to err on the side of not usually in those cases). I'm sure they all figured it out without me telling them. I'm sure they've overheard me talk about my girlfriend to those I do talk about it with. Most people do figure it out because sometimes I can't stop talking about my "roommate."

So to bring it all back around.  Am I doing a disservice by not talking about it in front of those who are on the wrong side of history here?  Do I need to say I'm in a committed relationship with a female directly for me to have an impact? They say people are changing their minds because they know gay people. Let me rephrase that they know "normal" people who are gay. People who are like them who just happen to be gay. Am I pretending I don't exist and adding to the problem? Am I banking too much on figuring them to figure it out and realizing that I am an awesome "normal" person and therefor gay people are alright?

Not sure exactly where I was going with this but that is usually what happens when I rant and question. Feel free to comment. I want some interaction on this blog.  Feel free to tell me I'm a horrible gay person (because you have the right to say it and I have the right to ignore you).  Personally, I do what I can where I know it will make a difference. I often preach to the choir (hello blog) but maybe someday along the road it will make a difference to someone.

Life Saver

I learned something new the other day. I apparently saved my mother's life.

As an aside, know that I don't usually go into such detail in my personal life. I know it seems like I talk more about my personal life than I actually write say for instance - fiction, but those are not as in depth as this is. And are usually me bitching and making excuses as why I didn't get anything done...

First let me start off with how this came up in conversation.  I went to visit a friend after work. She just found out she lost her baby. Miscarriage.  It was not unexpected, though none-the-less terrible.  She has physical disabilities as well as her HPV becoming cancerous.

My mother asked how my friend was doing. I told her. She then got to talking about when it (miscarriage) happened to her. I was supposed to have three older brothers instead of two.

What my mother went through when she had to have *it* removed, was what inspired her to not see a doctor right away when she had her aneurysm. It was a Catholic hospital and she had to sign papers that got sent to the vatican just to get it done.

So we talked about her aneurysm. I was always confused about why she didn't go to the doctor right away. She actually waited 3 days before someone convinced her to go in. She saw her OB and he told her to see the neuologist. Now I am sure you all know I am Buffy obessed and those who've see it know what happened to Buffy's Mom. Why did my mother merely pass-out, get up, and wait 3 days to go in?

Now you see where I am going with this title?

Apparently being pregnant increases your blood volume (especially at the 2nd trimester). It clotted quickly and prevented severe brain bleeding. My mother explained quite a bit about it, stuff the doctors told her about, a little while after she had recovered and I was growing up healthy and strong.

So it makes me ponder deep thoughts. If my mother was not pregnant with me she might not have even had the aneurysm. But if she had the aneurysm and had not been pregnant she probably would have died. And that is probably deep enough for now.

Back to writing ...

I Was Wrong

Remember how I mentioned Sally would be starting her blog back up in April or so? 

IT IS UP NOW!

Go Read It

Lez Country

Lez Country Update

No, I haven't posted anything new but recently I have been feeling inspired and its time to revamp.

Sally will post as Sally. Sally will go more in depth on certain posts. Sally needs friends to interact and comment in real time, so she can comment back.

I will be shutting down for now, and possibly renaming it and possibly moving it to wordpress, depending if I get any response as to which one I should keep.

Look forward to April/May when Sally will appear again.

Nothing's Fine I'm Torn

I recently set up a wordpress blog. You can find it at dtburanek.wordpress.com.  I haven't been blogging at all really but I think I might start doing it more. Partly because of technology and how I now can blog and do lots of things instantly. Yay smartphones. 

Yay Android phones! Oh wait, Android=Google, which means Blogger (also Google) is probably a better bet. I recently wrote over on wordpress how I love my Google Docs. Go Google! Wait just saw on the news how they accidently managed to follow Safari users... So much for being super secure there Apple.

Well that was quite the aside.  So now I am torn. Which blog platform do I use? Should I just sync and have both, copy and paste so content is on both blogs? I will gladly take suggestions.

But now I have to go. Save my decision for later.